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Feb 15
15:36
My ex sexually assaulted/abused me a number of times. Now Ive realised what he done was wrong I'm not sure if I want to take it further. What will happen if I do? And who do I tell about it? I'm so scared and have no idea what to do right now
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Feb 15
15:46
You can go to the police. They will interview you, ask what happened and when etc. They will then call him in and interview him, ask his side of the story.
 
Feb 15
15:47
@healy75 how do they prove it though?
 
Feb 15
15:50
It depends on how recent it was to be honest. If it was recent they will do a physical exam to look for signs of the abuse such as bruises. Do you have any evidence, such as text messages? They will investigate it as far as they can though regardless and look for evidence.
 
Feb 15
15:54
It started in may last year until about September and no, no texts nothing so there is no point is there if there is no proof but my work? And he won't say he did it, he'll just say no it was just sex @healy75
 
Feb 15
15:57
Start by going to a rape crisis centre they can put you in touch with an independent sexual violence adviser who can discuss all your options with you (I work at a rape crisis centre so can answer any questions you have)
 
Feb 15
15:59
@bedhead I'm so scared to talk to anyone about it in case they don't believe me, what will happen if I speak to someone there?
 
Feb 15
16:07
In the centre I work at the policy is that everyone is believed no matter what and I imagine that's the same for every other centre too. Search on google ones near you and read their website and what they offer. An independent sexual adviser can sit down with you and talk you through what will happen if you want to report it and they can go with you to the police station or help you make the call. They stay with you throughout the whole court process no matter what and are their to help keep you safe with things such as accommodation. But if you talk to them and find you don't want to report they can refer you to counselling which will help you find ways to cope and move on. Everything is super confidential but don't do anything until you've really thought about it
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Feb 15
16:14
Also if you go directly to the police they can investigate it without your consent, once you make a statement it's out of your hands so I really recommend going to a centre first
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Feb 15
16:34
I know how you feel, I'm a rape victim myself. I didn't even go to the police, I told my cousin, she told my mom & they called the police. Even though I didn't want them to I'm glad they did. The Investigator was really nice, he made me feel safe & comfortable. He was very understanding. Although they decided to not go through with the case, I'm glad that I spoke up about it. You should at least go to a rape crisis center if you don't do anything else. I would also file an injunction on him just so you could feel safe.
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Feb 15
17:09
@Ja_Xo I know what you mean, I was raped a few years ago and I didn't tell anyone but my ex That's why I don't understand why'd he's done this to me. I'm just so scared about what will happen
 
Feb 15
17:09
@bedhead okay thankyou I'll have a look, if I went to the police about it what would happen?
 
Feb 15
17:27
I've been to the police about rape. They have to remain unbiased until they hear all facts. They aren't stupid and will listen. Good luck, don't be afraid to speak up
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Feb 15
17:32
@lotusflower they would take a statement and examine what evidence you have but I can't really say what will happen after that. Every case is different Good luck 💕
 
Feb 15
17:38
@bedhead I just have no evidence though, that's what I'm so worried about but thankyou 💜
 
Feb 15
17:39
@healy75 thankyou 💜
 
Feb 15
18:03
@lotusflower do you have any witnesses? If he gets questioned he might slip up or confess or someone might hear about it and come forward and say he did it to them too. Literally anything could happen, your evidence isn't the only thing that could get him prosecuted but you must prepare yourself for every possible outcome
 
Feb 15
18:09
@bedhead no, it would happen whenever he would stay over when we were together. This is what I'm so worried about. I'm friends with his ex and she said she wanted to talk to me about some things that happened when they were together, I'm not sure what it was but I don't know whether to worth meeting up and Talking to her?
 
Feb 15
18:15
@bedhead I feel so guilty for even thinking about taking this further. Like honestly he's a good person, before any of this happened he was there for me & if I wasn't for him I probably wouldn't be here right now
 
Feb 15
18:28
I was very afraid because I knew he was going to find out that I told & I thought he was going to try to hurt me.
 
Feb 15
18:29
He also texted me when the Investigator went to his job looking for him to go question him. I was soooo scared.
 
Feb 15
18:30
You should in no way feel guilty, he may be a good person half the time but abuse of any kind is wrong. It could be worth meeting up and talking to her, just to see what comes of it. But make sure your ex doesn't know about it, he could get angry about it and you need to keep yourself safe.
 
Feb 15
18:31
@Ja_Xo what was the outcome of the whole thing if you don't mind me asking?
 
Feb 15
18:32
@bedhead I know he wouldn't hurt me again and I just keep thinking maybe he didn't know what he was doing was wrong because of how it happened, I still work with him now and will I'll I start my new job but he is very close to my family. It's a weird situation but I just keep thinking what if he doesn't know what he done
 
Feb 15
18:54
When the Investigator presented the report to the attorney, they decided to not go through with the case (go to trial). There wasn't enough evidence, it was just his word against mine. They said they didn't want to put me through going to trial, having to face him & knowing that I wouldn't win it. The case is still active, so if he commits another crime or someone else says he's done the same thing they'll be able to pull the report.
 
Feb 15
18:57
@lotusflower that's the thing, many people don't know what they did is wrong. Maybe if you are still amicable and it's completely safe you could talk to him about it and possibly get some closure
 
Feb 15
19:04
@bedhead I don't know how to bring it up to him, I wouldn't even know what to say
 
Feb 15
19:12
It's really hard but if it was sexual abuse then you need to report it. My case got closed due to lack of evidence and his word against mine etc but I'm still glad I did it as it was closure and he won't do it to another girl. I don't know the details of your case or what happened but if you truly believe it was abuse, you should speak to someone x
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Feb 15
19:42
Even if you don't go to the center I would look into seeing a therapist, psychologist. Sometimes just sitting down and talking to someone will help you mentally. I am so sorry hun, just stay strong and keep moving forward
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Feb 15
19:57
@IowaLady54 thankyou 💜 I think I'm going to tell the new lad I'm seeing but he used to be friends with my ex so I don't know if that will cause any problems
 
Feb 15
22:22
I would speak to the other girl, If he did the same to her it would help with evidence and could stop him doing the same to anyone else, he should be old enough know right from wrong with consent and shouldn't be excused because he may not have known he was doing it, speaking out could help any other girls not go through the same x
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